Time Flies

Wow, the summer flew by!  I realize now it's been about two months since I last posted.  Sorry it went so long.  I know it's easier to keep praying when you know what's happening.  It's not my intent to keep you in the dark.  Thanks for those of you who have asked how I'm doing.

On the home front, we are back into our school year routine for about a month now.  We started a bit early so we'd have more flexibility with days off here and there.  Lexi is in 3rd grade, and does most of her school on her own.  Wesley is in 1st grade and is making a lot of progress.  I still need to read instructions now and then and do some motivating here and there but he's starting to be able to read the instructions and do the work on his own.

We've had a lot going since I last updated.  Lainey has not really slowed us down much.  She's a really good baby and only in the last couple weeks have we really heard her cry much at all.  It's a little harder for her to go to sleep sometimes now, we have to use the swing more.  But still, she is really the best baby we've ever had by a long ways.  So we've kept a busy schedule, gone a lot of places, etc.  I spent a week in Iowa at the  farm show and Leann and girls came out for a couple days.  We went with the Sauder family to Galena for a couple nights a few weeks ago.  Next weekend we are going back to Indy to visit for a couple days.  I've been going to work,typically just the afternoons, but some days it ends up closer to a full day.  I even split wood last week and hope to do some more today.

I've realized it seems like we've slipped back into that "going to live forever" mode.  It's hard to keep the perspective that my time is short and I should only focus on the really important things.  But my pain and stiffness has been increasing in recent weeks, so I think life will come back into the proper focus again.  People ask me how I'm doing and I say "not as good".  I feel like my attitude is staying pretty good overall, but I am not feeling nearly as good as I did around the time Lainey was born.  I think God just answered our prayers and gave us some really good weeks around that time.  Now I feel more stiff and at times during the day will have pain in my back and neck.  But to keep it in perspective, it's probably no worse than what Leann has with a sore back (which has plagued her for some time) and the afflictions that almost everyone have of one sort or another.

I had another set of followup MRI scans done a couple weeks ago.  In some areas the tumor is shrinking, in some areas it appears to be growing slightly.  The oncologist here asked we send it to the surgeon at Mayo's for a little better interpretation but we haven't heard back yet. I'm still taking the chemo drug Avastin every other week, and the plan is to stay on that until I reach the point where my quality of life has declined significantly.

In conclusion, thanks for all your prayers through the past couple months, and please continue to pray for us.  Above all that our attitudes and hearts can be right, and then as much as God grants that I could have healing and reduced pain.

Love,
Derek & Leann
Lexi, Wesley, Whitley, and Lainey

What I'm Learning from Cancer #5

        People that don’t look like me, act like me, or have my personality really care about me.  Many whom I would not have expected to care about my situation showed us great love.  While I brag about our church (we have really felt a lot of love from our church family), there were also cards from a lot of people we didn’t know, from other states, from other churches, etc.  Even in our own church, in the past there are people I have been close to and those I have not really.  This has drawn me close to everyone.  Even those that I would not normally talk with I have had good conversations with, I have received cards from, and they ask how I am doing.  I think that what I am trying to say is even if you don’t feel real close to someone, realize that they most likely care about you more than you realize.  If we listen to the news too much, we probably begin to think that there aren't many good people in the world anymore, but the reality is that there are still a lot of caring people around.

Peace & Quiet

We finally got home from the hospital yesterday (Sunday) at noon.  We had to stay 48 hours since Leann tested positive for the Group B strep bacteria and they only had time to get one dose of antibiotic in her IV before Lainey was born.  We had hoped to come home sooner, but if that's the price to pay for a fast labor, I guess it's worth it.

Things are pretty quiet around here.  We took the kids to Eureka at bedtime last night.  Lexi & Wesley left this morning for Colorado with Aunt Cindy.  They will be gone a little more than a week.  Whitley will be back tomorrow evening, she just got a short trip to Grandma's house.  With the 3 older ones gone, there are periods of total silence that I haven't heard in this house in a long time.  Lainey still hasn't got her days and nights totally straightened out, but we did get a 4 1/2 hour stretch of sleep last night, so can't complain too much.

As for me, I continue to feel pretty good, and am very thankful for the health God has given me to enjoy this special time as a family.

What I'm Learning from Cancer #4
I appreciate our church more.  I always knew that others loved me, but I guess I didn’t realize how much they did.  So many have done so much for us around our home, prayed for us without ceasing for months, and given to us financially.  When I saw how many cards we got each day in Indiana, compared to the other patients there, I knew that we have a much larger support group.  Not that we take pride in numbers, God can work with just a few people praying.  But in our human mind there is something more reassuring and uplifting when we have many people telling us that they are praying for us.  At times we might be tempted to be frustrated with someone, or focus on the differences we might have.  But I think we would be wise to not lightly disregard the great heritage we have been given.


Love,
Derek & Leann

Lainey Lea

I feel like the most blessed man on the face of the earth and this feels like one of the best days of my life.

We are the proud parents of Lainey Lea Sauder, born 9:23am this morning (July 27, 2012).  She weighed 8 lbs, 2 oz and was 20 1/2 inches long.  The labor and delivery couldn't have gone any smoother.  Contractions started about 5:30 this morning and we got the hospital about 8:45, which is a tad closer to cut it than I like.  Thanks everyone for your prayers, I'm sure that's why things went so well.

Love,
Derek & Leann, Lexi, Wesley, Whitley, & Lainey

Due date!

Wow, it's been a week and a half since I last wrote.  Time is flying by!  Today's the official due date of our baby, but no imminent signs at this point.  We are very thankful that the baby is no longer breach.  Our doctor did what's called an "external version" two weeks ago.  Anyone who wants details can ask Leann sometime.

Thanks everyone for all the prayers lately.  I know everyone has been praying all along, but I'm suspecting there has maybe been a little extra fervency with chemo, the baby, etc.  This week I have felt the best of any week since radiation ended.  I'm still taking some pain meds but only a couple times a day.  I even spent one morning cleaning out the garage, getting the leftover wood & tools from the doghouse project put away.  And so far, I haven't felt any ill effects from that.

What I'm Learning from Cancer #3

1.       God will help you through things that look too hard for you to bear now.  When do you get the boarding pass to go on a plane?  Just right before you need it.  (We were listening to Corrie Ten Boom on one of the Mayo’s trips)  God gives grace in the same timing.  So many of you comment that you couldn’t go through what we are or wouldn’t have the same attitude.  Actually I’m convinced you’d have the same attitude and be able to handle it just as well once thousands of people started praying for you.   Hebrews 4:16 “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.”  Romans 5:20 “…But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound.”  II Cor 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.  Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”  God gives grace to the humble, and so many times it’s hard to be humble when things are going well.  So the trials humble us, which then brings God’s grace to strengthen us and help us through them.  I’m struggling to find a scripture that really point blank says this, but I believe we would agree that God gives grace just as we need it, not weeks or months before.

  The Gospel Hymns #403 says it best probably,

 “He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater;

 He sendeth more strength when the labors increase.

  To added afflictions He addeth His mercy;

 To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace.

[Chorus]  His love has no limit; His grace has no measure;

 His power has no boundary known unto men.

  For out of His infinite riches in Jesus,

 He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again!

 When we have exhausted our store of endurance,

 When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,

 When we reach the end of our hoarded resources,

 Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

 [Chorus]

I'm just thankful for each of the good days God has given me over the last couple weeks, and pray that it can continue and I can serve him with all my heart each day.  And if you have time to say a prayer for us, pray that the baby can arrive soon and safely.

Love,
Derek & Leann

MRI Results

What a week!  Seems like a lot to report tonight.  The last week has really been going much better and I'm feeling more upbeat.  I've continued the tylenol / ibuprofen regimen and have felt much less pain and stiffness.  I'm really thankful for that.

Today I went at 7:30 for blood draws, and all that tested fine.  Then we met with Dr Gomez's Nurse Practioner.  She said that the MRIs show no change in the tumor since the 1st of May.  This was really suprising to me since I had felt like symptom wise it was probably growing.  Her feeling about the pain I had a week ago is that it was an initial reaction or agitation of the tumor by the Avastin that caused this.  She doesn't expect it to happen this week.  I got my second treatment without any problems, just worked on my laptop while the IV ran in.  Less drama this time from the other patients in the room.

Then tonight we had a surprise (for me) family outing.  A Tremont family took our family to the Herman lake for an evening of grilled tuna, fishing, and water slides.  The kids had an absolutely awesome evening, and we all had the best fishing we've ever had in Illinois.  I don't normally like surprises, but it was even kind of fun to know I had to leave work early for some surprise.

What I'm Learning from Cancer #2
Take One Day at a Time.  We all seem to say this often.  But now I really know that this is true.  For the first few weeks after I found out the cancer was back, every time I found myself discouraged or afraid, I realized that I was thinking about the end of treatment, what my long term abilities would be, etc.  I finally had to realize I couldn’t let myself dwell on things down the road.  As I just focused on the decisions or treatment of that day, it got much easier and didn’t seem so hard after all.  I think this is what Jesus meant in Matthew 6:34 when he said “Take no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.  Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.”  Not that my situation is evil, but just that when the future days get here, we will know what we need to worry about.  There is no point in worrying about them sooner as they might not come or might be different than we think anyway.  A month or so ago I was worried when I thought about the decision as to whether we should do chemo.  And I really suspected that when we got to the decision, it would be easier, so I tried just not to think about it too much.  And when we got to the decision, sure enough it seemed easy to make.  I think this is something I really never understood much at all before.  But God just really wants us to trust Him and only worry about the challenges of today, not tomorrow or next week

As for prayer requests - please thank God for the good report and that I'm feeling better, and then just pray that I can keep a good attitude if things don't go so well.  We really have felt your prayers and support the last couple weeks and appreciate it so much.


Love,
Derek & Leann

Better days

Quick update to thank everyone for their prayers over the recent days.  Thanks to my wife reminding me vigilantly, I've been taking Ibuprofen/Tylenol regularly the last two days.  The pain has been much less.  I'm still somewhat stiff but I can get up out of bed without the intense pain.

Love, Derek & Leann

MRI done

I finally got through the two MRI sessions.  During last Friday's scan, the machine broke down so that was rescheduled for today.  It was a long session, took 2 1/2 hours for the brain and neck scan.  I'm glad that I have no pain when laying on the table and am content laying in a confined space for long times.  Getting up off the table took some help and was painful.

The last few days have been the roughest yet of the journey.  All the other times I had pain or stiffness, I had more hope that it would get better.  When you are recovering from surgery, you have hope you will heal and things will get better.  The worst pain is when I sit up after laying down on the couch or being in bed.  I haven't really got on a good routine of pain med yet, which I need to do, so maybe that will help some.  It's about all I can do to bend over and get my socks on or off.  I even notice that my walking is going a bit slower, I just can't take as long a stride as before.

I'm not trying to complain.  I want you all to know that I would not trade places with anyone.  But as before I find it hard not to be open and share what is going on.  Pray most of all for my attitude, and that I can remain upbeat and smiling.

What I'm Learning from Cancer #1

Our Faith is the “Real Deal”.  What we have been taught about salvation is true.  When I come to the edge of life, I can see the peace in my heart and the confidence that I am ready to die.  I guess another way of saying this is that when I look back at my decision 19 years ago to put my faith in Jesus Christ and repent for my sins, I don’t regret that decision.  It has been worth it, and any short-term “sacrifices” were worth it.  If you are “sitting on the fence”, let me assure you that our faith is one that you can die by.  I gave this analogy to the Sunday School kids.  When you decide you want to be a fireman, you probably have a little nervousness of whether you would really be able to put out a true house fire or not.  So you train every week, the chief sets practice fires, and you learn how to put out a fire.  But you still don’t really know if you’ve been taught properly until you have a real fire call.  And then you are able to put out the fire, and see that the things you were taught about fighting fires were correct.  So it’s like I’ve been to the fire call now, I know what we have been taught about salvation is able to give me peace as I face death.  I don’t wish the pain and anguish on any of you, but there is a certain comfort in being tested in this way and being more convinced in my mind that what we believe of salvation is true.


Love,
Derek & Leann